Somatic Connection

Every so often I’m asked to give a few good exercises that might help someone with trauma. Mostly, I don’t oblige to this request for two reasons: 1) somatic work is a unique experience for each individual and 2) somatic work is done in relationship.

Not One Size

Somatics are not something that can be applied with a broad stroke brush. Let’s take one “exercise” that may be applied in a session.

The head hold. Place one hand just above the forehead, and one hand behind, cradling the occiput. This, in general, can be a very supportive gesture. I personally find it very relaxing. But this may not be the thing to shift your internal state or discharge an incomplete experience. If I offer holding the cranium as a one-size fits all somatic exercise, I will likely miss what your body needs. It may feel nice, and it may be a good resource to pendulate to, but it may not lead to the desired resolution.

Somatic Experiencing® is not just a series of exercises implemented with a predictable denouement. It’s an individual process as unique as a fingerprint. There are many tools, sure, but no one approach can distill it. This is why we listen to the body to inform the process.

Keystone of Connection

Relationship is key to integrating experiences.

Relationship can be found with a beloved pet, the experience of connecting with nature, the act of expressing art, or finding yourself in the presence of caring being.

All forms of relationship have the potential to shift your internal experience. While you can have many types of relationships, only some relationships have the ability to support a therapeutic change.

What makes a relationship therapeutic?

Numerous studies emphasize that the most important component of therapy is the therapeutic alliance. What this means is that the sturdiness of your relationship has the potential to shape your outcome.

You can have the most masterful of clinicians, but if you have a sense of disconnection, therapy will likely fall flat. Feeling felt, or having a sense of being fundamentally understood, is a feeling of emotional safety. Safety is key for understanding and shifting experiences. In SE, safety is the primary resource for change.

Why is safety in relationship so important?

Safety in relationship helps our system know where it can go. Imagine this: you’re sitting across from a generally nice person, but it seems like they’re slow on the draw of understanding your story. Maybe there is a pause a bit longer than comfortable. Or perhaps they say something that you fundamentally disagree with. What you’re sensing is a lack of safety in relationship.

A lack of safety means you’re unlikely to go to places that are sacred or difficult.

Therapy is inherently difficult. When we say, “that was therapeutic,” in general conversation, more than likely we don’t mean that we struggled initially but eventually found our way through. Yet, that’s exactly what the therapeutic process is like.

We move towards something difficult to eventually find ease. Because something is already perceived as difficult, adding a relationship without a felt sense of safety makes the process significantly more arduous. As such, an easeful relationship is key to guiding the system through metamorphosis.

Relationship and Somatics

Yes. You can sense into your body and observe its desired impulses in isolation. You can also follow them to completion in such an environment as well if we’re attuned enough to our body and have safety in our environment. However, there is something about being in relationship that allows this shift to happen in a more complete and supportive manner.

The presence of another individual acts like an anchor to the present moment. When the body is searching, yielding and responding, it can be easy to become too internal and removed from the outside world. But the presence of another person can be grounding, especially if they know what to expect and what to look for. When a knowing witness is layered in, they can become a guide to navigating your internal state allowing you to move through an experience in a gentle, mindful, and relational manner.

An SE practitioner is trained to follow the nervous system and guide the experience of the body in front of them. This process takes advantage of our innate need as mammals to socially engage with each other as well as our natural impulse to resolve physical disruptions.